The other day walking on the street with my baby in the stroller I overheard a conversation by an expectant mother. She was walking with her friends and decided to show how much smarter she is than everyone else. Well, taking a judgmental look at me she decided to say: "And that's why one should have babies when one is old enough." First I ignored this remark. I was pretty busy and in no good mood that day. However, soon enough I understood that 'one' means me! She actually meant I was too young to have babies. Well, Thank you very much for the complement, miss. I am no youngster, however. Yes, I do take care of myself, follow some trends in fashion, have my own style and favourite designers. Yes, I like to look young, but am not a teenager! I am a married woman, and have a child that we actually wanted, (no surprise child thank God). So, I started analyzing the situation. Do I look young or better say do i look like I am a teenage mother to deserve such remarks?
First of all, I am not wearing my wedding bad - society has decided that a married woman should be recognized by this item of 'necessity' whoever doesn't wear it, is an outsider of this society, does not belong or simply does not want to fit in and obey the norms and rules that the society has established. I am no rebel, simply the ring doesn't fit me, since I am breast-feeding. So, because I was not wearing my ring, I was placed with those who aren't married, too young, and therefore without the knowledge or how to take good care of a baby - this is why I should have had children when I would have been old enough!
Second of all, society has decided that a woman with a child should, could, would not know/care/want to take care of herself. If one is not married and has a child one needs to attract the male attention and therefore would invest some effort into looking young/well. Society has decided that mothers should look like zombies. This is not the case. Any woman who has even some self respect will find 5 minutes to try to look good. I have friends, relatives, people I just know who do that. It is not even for your husband but for yourself. Otherwise, if you look in the mirror and don't like what you see, how can you bring joy and happiness to your bundle of joy?
So, can I assume that I had my baby at a wrong age just because I am not wearing my ring and take some care of myself (sometimes I cannot invest the 5 minutes, but I try to, into looking human)? Therefore, my dears, do not jump to conclusions. Time will come when you too will hold your baby and think that you are still a woman and live in this world not in some imaginary reality. No, it is bad to judge. The word on the street is almost always wrong. Some people are not better than other by saying they are, it is our actions that prove who we are not our tongue.
Today, I was waiting for my husband to go for a walk with my baby in the stroller. The hat fell on my baby's eyes before I had a chance to check on him (I do that quite often). A stranger came to me and told me that my baby's eyes are covered, is that OK? I said 'thanks'. I thought: Would you say the same thing to someone who looks old enough to have children? To someone who wears her wedding band? To someone who walks with her husband (not just waits for him, looking as if she is alone)? Would you try to educate someone who fits the picture of a mother? The picture that society has painted? Or is it our customs and convenience? The age when time is precious but money even more precious when people have no time for people and the woman becomes a zombie with no time for herself and with no help from her husband who nevertheless has time to look at younger, beautiful girls who are not women yet (you become a woman once you have a child not when you lose your virginity) and who still take care of themselves?
People are always thinking that they are the ones who are: better, smarter, kinder, etc. than everyone else. Nevertheless, there is always someone brighter than you. No matter how hard it is to recognize it.
Be good,
S.C.
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