Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Stereotyping or Talking Behind One's Back

People always think that they would like to know what other people think about them, what other people talk about them, and how other people see them, especially in their absence.  We tend to think that if we were hidden somewhere so that nobody could see us, then we could hear the truth.  The simple truth that people think about us. BUT are we able to handle the truth?

A friend says to another: you are pretty. And means you are ugly, I am prettier.
A co-worker says to another: nice presentation. And means it was stupid, it sucked, you suck, mine was better.
Family friends come and say that your house looks nice. And mean, it is ugly, your style is ugly, you don't know how to decorate.

A white person sees someone who doesn't look like them and thinks that they are dirty, stupid, foreign, way lower than him/her on all imaginable levels and merely a barbarian.

When should we stop? When is it enough living in a facetious world where words have a totally different meaning, where love means hate and different means bad?
When would people start saying the truth in our face?

My friend told me once that she prefers the bitter truth to sweet lies.  BUT are we all able to handle the bitter truth? Aren't we already so accustomed to the sweet lies that we aren't willing to accept the bitter truth and deny it with all our souls?

So, next time your friend asks you something try telling the truth and stop thinking that someone is bad just because he/she looks different. May be little by little we are still able to improve.

Although I am pessimistic in people's desire to improve and be better.

Until then, I will work on learning to accept the bitter truth,


Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Memories of a baby bump

When I think about my pregnancy I always say to myself 'If I only knew...'
If I only knew that it is not scary to be pregnant, not scary to give birth...
If I only knew that the great majority of doctors are there to instill fear as opposed to help (2 out of 4 doctors scared me to death about non-existent issues! But they said better safe than sorry... I only realized later on that they like to keep us in fear so that we continue going to them and so that they continue accumulating money on our behalf. What better way to control a person than keep him/her in a state of fear??? My advice - trust your body and not them! If you have a bad feeling - run for your life, change the doctor do not stand there and do nothing! Trust your instincts, they never lie! I changed one last doctor (have been to 4 in total) and finally got a very very very nice doctor (for those from Ottawa - THE place to go is Montfort hospital).
If I only knew that I should have read books and consulted websites about the first few weeks when the baby was home, so that I wouldn't fear everything and would know how to change a diaper :) instead of reading non stop about pregnancy and birth and watching TLC 'A Baby Story' for hours every day!
If I only knew that pregnancy and labour are nothing compared with the actual daily job of raising a child! No one will tell you that when you are pregnant but as we deliver the bundle of joy our job just stars there as opposed to stops!
If I only knew that I would like to see pictures of my weekly or at least monthly baby bump now and I only have a few ( didn't like taking pictures then)...

However, I never knew that the first time I would see my baby I would think that labour and pregnancy were all worth it just to see the tiny creature looking at me...
I never knew that the moment I would hear him cry for the first time would be the happiest moment in my life.
I never knew that we, mere human beings, are capable to witness and participate in the miracle of life.

I am not saying that having a child is easy - it is not.  I am saying that a child makes your life worth living.


Saturday, September 11, 2010

Equality or Myth?

While people always think that they are the ones who are better than everyone else, they also have the assumption that equality exists, or that everyone has the same chances to succeed. So, if you are bright and strong, you will succeed, even though your friend who is weak and stupid might have the same chances to succeed.  Your friend, however, is weaker and more stupid that you are and this is why he couldn't have used the chance to succeed in order to indeed succeed.
Everyone is equal.  The capitalist society offers everyone the chance to succeed and bee someone. It is in your power to be great.
Is this the case?

Man and woman are equal.  They have the same chances to succeed. To earn money, which is the one and ultimate goal in our society.  To become someone.  Virginia Woolf witnessed the time when women have been given the right to vote and to work in the 'professions' (in the professions for which education was necessary).  She writes that they earn 10% of what men earn.  She hoped that one day this will not be the case.  In Canada (as well as everywhere else in the 'developed' world) women earn a fraction of what men earn.  63%.  It is argued that men are the head of families and they NEED to earn more so that they are able to support their families if their women decide to be housewives.  OK. Up until now it all seems fair.  Now, let's bring single mother into the equation.  They are the head of families.  They still earn less than men occupying the same position and with the same education or lack thereof.  How can they support their families? No wonder that families headed by women live below the poverty line.  How is this fair? How are women presented with the same opportunities as men? Where is equality?

The capitalist society uses women when it needs them.  If there is an abundance of jobs women are called to fill them with the slogans of equality, feminism, and the high value for women in our society.  On the other hand, if there is a scarcity of jobs, women are called back home, to fulfill their jobs as mothers.  The argument is that society needs women to be mothers and in this way they do serve as precious members of this society.
If motherhood was indeed an asset in this society then it would have been paid (as money is the greatest value in capitalism, thus each job should be awarded a price; plus without money one would perish in this society).  Mothers, however, work for free at home, and for half the price of men at work.  Thus, there is no gender equality.
Moreover, women are made to believe that they are equal, they need to work, they have to strive for success however visible the 'glass ceiling' may be.  Why? Because they constitute a cheap and qualified labour force.  What is the result - the creation of a new species: bitter man-woman, desiring to have a family and children and envying those who do have them, but at the same time too afraid to lose their carriers.  This species is never accomplished, never satisfied and never happy.
What about men? Is one man as capable or fulfilling his potential in this society as another man? Have two man equal chances to succeed, ear money, be useful? The answer is unfortunately 'no.' While we often turn our finger to third world countries criticizing them for nepotism, same is true here.  One man with connections and relations has way more opportunities to land a good job than another man with no connections and relations even though, let's assume, that they have the same education, characters, etc. (all qualities you may imagine).  Sons of politicians or businessmen become ministers, young party members become prime-ministers, etc.

Equality, you are a fake term that makes capitalism a fairy tale of dreams and opportunities.


Thursday, September 9, 2010

What's the Word on the Street?

People are always thinking that they are the ones who are: better, smarter, kinder, etc. than everyone else. Nevertheless, there is always someone brighter than you. No matter how hard it is to recognize it.

The other day walking on the street with my baby in the stroller I overheard a conversation by an expectant mother. She was walking with her friends and decided to show how much smarter she is than everyone else. Well, taking a judgmental look at me she decided to say: "And that's why one should have babies when one is old enough." First I ignored this remark.  I was pretty busy and in no good mood that day. However, soon enough I understood that 'one' means me! She actually meant I was too young to have babies. Well, Thank you very much for the complement, miss. I am no youngster, however. Yes, I do take care of myself, follow some trends in fashion, have my own style and favourite designers. Yes, I like to look young, but am not a teenager! I am a married woman, and have a child that we actually wanted, (no surprise child thank God).  So, I started analyzing the situation.  Do I look young or better say do i look like I am a teenage mother to deserve such remarks?
First of all, I am not wearing my wedding bad - society has decided that a married woman should be recognized by this item of 'necessity' whoever doesn't wear it, is an outsider of this society, does not belong or simply does not want to fit in and obey the norms and rules that the society has established. I am no rebel, simply the ring doesn't fit me, since I am breast-feeding.  So, because I was not wearing my ring, I was placed with those who aren't married, too young, and therefore without the knowledge or how to take good care of a baby - this is why I should have had children when I would have been old enough!
Second of all, society has decided that a woman with a child should, could, would not know/care/want to take care of herself.  If one is not married and has a child one needs to attract the male attention and therefore would invest some effort into looking young/well.  Society has decided that mothers should look like zombies. This is not the case. Any woman who has even some self respect will find 5 minutes to try to look good.  I have friends, relatives, people I just know who do that. It is not even for your husband but for yourself.  Otherwise, if you look in the mirror and don't like what you see, how can you bring joy and happiness to your bundle of joy?
So, can I assume that I had my baby at a wrong age just because I am not wearing my ring and take some care of myself (sometimes I cannot invest the 5 minutes, but I try to, into looking human)?  Therefore, my dears, do not jump to conclusions.  Time will come when you too will hold your baby and think that you are still a woman and live in this world not in some imaginary reality.  No, it is bad to judge.  The word on the street is almost always wrong.  Some people are not better than other by saying they are, it is our actions that prove who we are not our tongue.

Today, I was waiting for my husband to go for a walk with my baby in the stroller. The hat fell on my baby's eyes before I had a chance to check on him (I do that quite often).  A stranger came to me and told me that my baby's eyes are covered, is that OK? I said 'thanks'. I thought: Would you say the same thing to someone who looks old enough to have children? To someone who wears her wedding band? To someone who walks with her husband (not just waits for him, looking as if she is alone)? Would you try to educate someone who fits the picture of a mother? The picture that society has painted? Or is it our customs and convenience? The age when time is precious but money even more precious when people have no time for people and the woman becomes a zombie with no time for herself and with no help from her husband who nevertheless has time to look at younger, beautiful girls who are not women yet (you become a woman once you have a child not when you lose your virginity) and who still take care of themselves?

People are always thinking that they are the ones who are: better, smarter, kinder, etc. than everyone else. Nevertheless, there is always someone brighter than you. No matter how hard it is to recognize it. 

Be good,